Category Archives: Life and Laughter

It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to

28 Sunday Jul 2013

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But I don’t want to.

Why should I?

I live in Israel, the most amazing country in the world. (Sorry Canada. I love you too.)

Here in Israel I work to live, not live to work.

I make connections with my neighbors, sometimes in the stairwell in the middle of an air raid siren or when a renovation has gone awry and leaks into our apartment and sometimes just because I won’t make it home in time to meet the kids and just need someone to watch out for them until I get there.

In Israel good fences don’t make good neighbors. I don’t like being secluded and I definitely don’t like building fences.

My kids go to a Bar Mitzvah wearing their “good jeans” and they feel overwhelmed with excitement when I take them to eat out in a restaurant. When they get something new or if I take them somewhere, anywhere, they are ecstatic.

Granted, we all work hard but even if our work is not the self-fulfilling life prophecy we envisioned for ourselves, we fill our glasses to overflowing with other things like hobbies, social groups, events, political and religious endeavors and lots and lots of friends and family.

In Israel friends are like family.

Many people have left their families behind when they made the big Aliyah trek and moved here. We feel connected to our friends not only based on proximity but more importantly, because we all share similar goals, we can relate to each others struggles and we love to celebrate the good stuff with each other as much as we can.

I may get a case of the blues from time to time but I know that when push comes to shove, my party has an Israel theme, lots of friends and family and an overwhelming sense of gratitude.

Thanks Micky for this great birthday picture

Thanks Micky for this great birthday picture

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Why I won’t buy a subscription to Israeli playboy

05 Sunday May 2013

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Growing up, I had a friend whose Dad read playboy.

Playboy symbol (Playboy magazine)

 

We all knew it too. His big bad secret was hidden under his mattress at home and in his bathroom cabinet. He was a figure head in the Jewish community and I judged him. Oh boy did I judge him as only a 12 year old girl could. I thought that he lacked the spine and integrity that a Jewish man should have by reading such a sexually oriented piece of media.

Sometimes his son got hold of one of those oh so forbidden Playboy magazines and brought it in for all of us to peruse during recess in a secluded corner of the schoolyard. We all gathered around that one measly, outdated issue of Playboy and poured over it with such concentration that it would have made our parents proud if only we mirrored our devotion to the study of the weekly Torah portion as we did to those Playboy bunnies.

It was forbidden and bad and exciting.

Even today when I imagine us all huddled around that one measly magazine, hanging on the every last word of the questions and answers hoping to get a glimpse of that oh so forbidden centerfold it makes me smile a naughty “I know something you don’t know” grin.

That was then, this is now.

My first response to hearing that playboy was coming to Israel was one of intrigue.

But after much debate I realized that I won’t be buying a subscription because I don’t think that they will even make it past 6 issues.

Period.

I read about Playboy “making Aliyah”, and the recent post in the Times of Israel by the founder of Playboy Israel Daniel Pomerantz, an Oleh from Chicago called Why I started Playboy Israel.

This naïve Oleh entrepreneur from Chicago is underestimating the fact that the Israeli porn industry is run by the ruthless Israeli mafia. How long do you think it will take for the Israeli Playboy office to have work stoppages and to have threats against them unless they close or start paying up for some mafia “protection”?

Is it possible that he doesn’t understand or just doesn’t care about the Israel machine he is up against. Not to mention that his new reality of “between a rock and a hard place” has only just begun. From now on, he won’t be sandwiched between Candy and Cherry. He will be squeezed tight between the religious right and the mafia left.

Unfortunately, he will learn all this the hard way.

Furthermore, Israelis are spendthrifts and will consider themselves “fraiers” if they pay for something that is readily available for free online. I mean, when was the last time you saw a skin flick in the movie machine at your corner shopping mall. It isn’t there because people won’t rent it openly. They will watch their porn online IN PRIVATE. There is porn galore available online (yes, even Sabra porn).

Internet porn is discreet; you don’t need to meet your neighbor at the makolet (corner store) while buying it. Do you think that Dudu wants to have his nosy neighbors stop by for a coffee and see his latest Playboy issue on the coffee table?  Of course he can start to fumble around for the right way to explain that he only bought it for the articles but his neighbor already knows that Dudu doesn’t read.

People don’t want to pay for porn even if it does have a tag name on it. This fact is obvious if you look at the Playboy company value that went from $1 billion in 2000, to $185 million in 2011. Furthermore, to save money, Playboy merged its July and August issues. Last week the full extent of the company’s financial crisis was made public when it reported a second-quarter loss of nearly $9 million, more than double the loss of $3.2 million for the same period the previous year. Revenues fell by 15 per cent.

Why he started Playboy Israel is not of great interest to me, what he plans to do with it is. If it will be a publication that is truly as diverse as the Israeli culture we live in then it may have a sinking chance of success. Taking socially relevant topics that are both controversial and interesting and exploiting them is what Israeli marketing is all about.

For example, taking the women of the wall and wrapping them in a prayer shawl (and only a prayer shawl) with a Kotel background or posing some female security guards on Obama’s limo or maybe even having a group of Playboy bunnies go ice skating at the Ice World in Jerusalem as a Passover outing. These are things that would capture the attention of many different levels of society and that are ideas unique to Israel.

If the extreme religious segment of the population doesn’t torch his car and stone him to death first, of course.

His mundane first issue will be featuring Israeli women such as the Israeli model Nataly Dadon on the cover and the Israeli dancer, Marin Teremets, as the Playmate centerfold. (Yawn)

I mean, really????? I can already see all I want to about them on their Facebook pages and in the Paparazzi videos on YouTube. Why would I spend money on such a mundane exploitation of an already tapped market?

If you have reached this point and even after reading all of what is wrong about Playboy Israel you are still interested in being a more active Playboy supporter (and you aren’t scared that your overprotective religious/Sephardi/Muslim/Christian family won’t kill you or disown you) then you can submit your eligibility to be a bunny on their site.

Or just buy the magazine…because at this point, it is an act of charity.

(Published originally March 23, 2013 on the Times of Israel)

Salsa dancing in Jerusalem

01 Sunday Jan 2012

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Before I talk about Salsa dancing, let me just thank Dudu Almodi for letting me use his photographs for this post. He is very generous with his art.

Ok now back to me and Salsa….this is me:

Me and Dudu Nahari a Salsa instructor

I happened to discover Salsa by chance and it was at the Candela Salsa club that I started to dance regularly. I wont tell the story here because it’s too long.

Eti Amzaleg a sexy & talented Salsa instructor

Eti Amzaleg a sexy and talented Salsa instructor

Suffice it to say that over the last 4 months I have persevered with level 1, 2 and 3.  This week my instructor, Eti Amzaleg, who is a patient, talented and amazing person all around (as are all the instructors in the Candela club) basically said to me, “Devora motek (you always have to say motek or mami to be taken seriously), the time has come for you to move on to the Masters level!” Woo hoo!

Of course, my usual hesitation when moving up a level is that I will be the worst in that level as opposed to being the best at the current one and then it will annoy people who have to dance with me. It’s always tough to have to dance with someone who is too slow for you….even if people pretend otherwise. It’s a fact. I console myself with the fact that dancing with someone a bit below your level is nothing compared to having to dance with someone who just applied half a bottle of Brut cologne or who hasn’t used any personal hygiene products at all that week, so it cant be that bad!

One of the experienced dancers, Elinor, told me that she doesn’t dance with someone if she doesn’t feel like it and yet she always looks like she is having a good time. She just says no! She’s my Salsa hero! The amazing thing about so many experienced dancers is that they enter the club looking like regular people out on the town, and then when they get on the dance floor it is just a miracle to behold.

Eddy is always a great dance partner

I myself find that there are some dancers who I love to dance with regularly. For example, this bachurchik Eddy, a sweet  guy who is a great dancer and is never pushy but always quick on his feet. Whenever I would make a mistake while we are dancing I would see him make a sort of discreet face sort of like “whoops” in face language. I would call him on it by saying, “Eddy, you are doing it again!” and he would laugh. Some of the instructors make me laugh over and over again. For example, Moran the DJ and a master dancer always yells at me when I start leading, “Where do you think you are going Devora??? In Salsa the man leads, leave your life at the door!”. Tomer would tell me that he is losing circulation in his fingers from me holding on so tight, hee hee. (I am sure there is a lesson in here somewhere if I just look hard enough.) Dudu and Yonat are able to have fun at all times.

Moran DJ/instructor and Yonat Instructor

Moran and Yonat twisted up an smiling

The Salsa club offers levels from beginner, never danced before in my life level classes, to masters “I really didn’t know our bodies were made for that position” classes. Thursday and Saturday nights start off with line dancing at 9:15 and then at 9:45 they divide up into groups for your lesson. Afterwards is some practice time and then the floor opens up for the rest of the night. Married couples come, singles, people of all ages and even couples who have met at salsa and are married now not to mention my favorite: the pregnant women.

Things I usually worry about are non issues like theft since there are 14 closed circuit cameras in the club, the bathrooms are actually clean, the wood floors are nice overall, and there is always fans and fresh air with no smoking allowed inside the club. There is a bar but since I am almost always driving I stick to my diet coke and water.

I think there are some events coming up soon as well like the Salsa winter ball mid January and and at the beginning of February there will be a Salsa event at the Yellow Submarine in Jerusalem, can’t wait!

Eti and Dudu instructors

Yonat and Tomer Salsa instructors

Being Considerate Only Takes A Second

30 Sunday Oct 2011

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A divorced male friend of mine mentioned to me that another male divorcee explained
to him that as a single man he is “shaveh” of great value and that he should
keep this in mind when looking to date. He needs to be aware that he is a greater
commodity than the women he is dating. I was appalled by this blatant disrespect that
one person could have towards another. I quickly interjected that there is no
one person who is more valuable than another. If he wants to assess that a
match is not suitable for him then that is legitimate but he must always have
respect for another individual and behave appropriately.

Of course, while I am writing this I realize that maybe someone out there is thinking
poorly about me or my behavior and wondering how I have the gall to write about
this topic in a critical manner. I guess from recent experience, both in my
personal and professional life, I have come to the conclusion that it really
only takes a moment to show the proper courtesy and respect towards another
human being so why don’t we?

Just as an example of professional disrespect: Someone mentioned to me how they spent time
travelling and attending a job interview and couldn’t understand why the
interviewing side didn’t take the time to show them the courtesy of an email letting them know either way.

As an example of personal disrespect: A close friend of mine was in touch with another person for dating
purposes and couldn’t understand why all of a sudden there was silence on the other end. One side, it
seems, decided that it was not suitable for them but didn’t even do as much as send
an email or SMS to inform the other side. Ignoring is not an acceptable form of
rejection. It exists, but it is cowardly and rude at best.

Israelis have a tendency to look down on manners and polite behavior. It is a high tension
life here in Israel with the political and social situation always contributing
to a life of constant rushing around, yelling and even pushing. Israelis are good
at heart and if you trip and fall a million people will rush over to look after
you, and if your kid wanders off in the mall he/she will have ten mothers taking
care of him in a second, but respect for one another goes far beyond our instinctive
responsive behavior, it is introspective, well thought out and calculated.

And don’t try to slap me with, “well, would you rather someone act politely on the surface and then
ignore you and be distant afterwards???” I don’t understand why that is a
legitimate argument. Don’t people  already know that two wrongs don’t make a
right?? Listen, I love to live in Israel but can’t we all just try to show each other the
respect that we as humans should for one another? Be conscious of our actions and I
am sure that with the changes we nurture within ourselves we will also be able
to influence others in kind.

Gone with the wind friendships

13 Sunday Mar 2011

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Dog and cat friends

Friends through it all

When getting divorced, especially in a family oriented community, I have found that many of the people who I thought were friends and couples who I enjoyed many wonderful times with became distant memories. If I may be so bold as to create a comparison: Life is like an outfit; sometimes it flatters you and sometimes it fits, it sometimes needs changing, and sometimes it just makes you fat. Life has accessories too such as friends, homes, cars and a partner. When you change your life “outfit” many tmes your “accessories” need adjusting too. (Please don’t take this literally…it is purely for the sake of literary license).

In some ways the separation comes with a twinge of remorse: the couple who always served the best food, had the greatest views, the most engaging conversations and the best toys for the kids to play with. Other times it comes with an overwhelming feeling of relief. You no longer have to put up with that annoying wife of your husband’s friend who you never have anything to say to or made annoying jokes at someone’s expense.

Let’s just look at our work friends for a minute, our colleagues. When you switch jobs and forlornly say goodbye, you know that these people who you spent every day with for the past few years will most likely drop off the end of your life, never be seen again. It doesn’t necessarily reflect badly on them or on you for that matter even if you both keep saying, “Let’s keep in touch, ok”? For obvious reasons, in people’s fast paced lifestyles proximity does make for an easier friendship and since you never had to make an effort to see each other before what makes you think you would start now?

Are there any specific traits or behaviors that lead to long term friendships?

It reminds me of a book I once read about ordinary everyday people who became heroes due to a heroic act that they did spontaneously. They couldn’t explain what motivated them to act on the spur of the moment. There really was no defining trait for heroic behaviour.  All that they could be sure of was that they were presented with a situation where they just knew that they had to act. What the author wrote in the forward to this book was that we are always so fascinated with what motivates the serial killer or someone who stands on a tower and shoots tens of people or who kidnaps someone and mutilates them and yet we are never fascinated by the reverse scenario: What motivates an ordinary person to act altruistically or heroically?

During my divorce proceedings many of the couples whom I thought to be close seem to have just become part of the unwritten divorce settlement. The reverse is true as well. I have been pleasantly surprised to find myself spending time with people and couples who I never would have in my previous coupled life. I enjoy their company and that’s all there is too it. They are kind and giving and we love to laugh together.

If you are looking for answers as to which friends will move to the other side and which will just fall through the cracks never to be seen or heard from again, I don’t have any. But let me just say that when you are single for the second time around you learn very quickly who your real friends are. You are wearing a new outfit and only you and you alone will decide which accessories look best on you.

And just remember darling: You look fabulous!

A Guest Above The Rest

10 Tuesday Aug 2010

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What type of guest are you?

I grew up in a home where I don’t remember EVER eating a meal without having someone extra at our table.  My parents are great hosts and I know that being a good host/hostess is a challenge. I have seen countless articles and books dealing with the complexities of this role.  Who doesn’t already know this since we are bombarded with Martha Stewart lessons in hors d’oeuvres, napkin folding tips, table settings and beautiful flower arrangements? Hyper-hosting has turned the simple act of having parties and getting together with friends into three course events that usually include a theme and a party planner.

Napkins and flower arrangeements

Hyper-hosting

The other side to this hosting equation receives much less publicity, the forgotten link that can make or break your role as a host:

The guest.

You want your hostess with the mostess to see you as a guestess with the bestess? Here’s my breakdown of the good and bad guests. Plain and simple:

The Bad Guest:

  • The Shmoozer– It is totally irrelevant whether anyone is listening or not. They are totally oblivious as to whether people are interested in what they have to say and they can stay for countless hours after all others have left to continue their “fascinating “ conversation with whoever is not yet nodding off to sleep.
  • The Cruiser– this is the guest who just stopped by long enough to eat the last danish, make a promise about that they will be back again real soon, to use the bathroom and to make a grand exit.
  • The Loser– they never seem to have plans and for a good reason. Whether it’s their lack of social etiquette or their inability to make eye contact. They are the ones who bring their leftover bread slices and pineapple juice to “share” so that it doesn’t go bad and they generally aren’t able to connect with anyone inparticular despite repeated attempts on everyone’s part to make conversation.
  • The User– These are guests of convenience. Their convenience, not yours. Once they don’t need you anymore you will never hear from them again.
  • The Abuser- They make sure to let you know in advance that they only eat japanese vegetarian food, that the music is too loud, the soup too salty, and they apologize profusely while asking you to wrap up the leftovers for them to take home. 
  • The Muser- They don’t comment, compliment or join in the conversation and they tend to spend most of their time staring into space. You wonder if they are philosophers and if there is MORE to them than meets the eye when really there is LESS…much, much less. You wonder if your meal will be the contributing factor to their suicide attempt when, miraculously, on their way out they somehow manage to mumble: “Thanks, I had a great time.”

The Good Guest:

Gratitude goes a long way…
  • Give- Just bring something, damn it, even when your host insists otherwise.
  • Gauge- Don’t be oblivious to everyone around you. Yes, Spanish Inquisition Era manuscripts may be fascinating to YOU but if everyone else is staring into space then zip-it!
  • Good Nights- Overnight guests should not overuse any one household item without confirming that it is ok with their hosts first. Don’t take overly long showers, don’t leave a mess in the bathroom, don’t leave wet towels on the floor and make sure to keep your room neat when you are going out.
  • Grace- you walk into a room and see people talking, recognize when it’s a conversation that requires privacy and don’t get involved.
  • Gratitude- Make sure to thank your host at different moments during your stay as a guest. It’s all about gratitude. Thank them for thinking of you when you arrive. Thank them again when you leave and make sure to compliment. Compliment their home, their cooking, their efforts and their kindness. And please try to sound sincere.
  • Gregarious- Smile and the world smiles with you. Meal time is not the time to burden everyone with your hardships and woes unless you are very close with your hosts. Smile, shmooze and enjoy.
  • Guess- Ask questions, show interest in others around you.
  • Giddy-Up! HAVE FUN! Nothing more fun than a guest who knows how to enjoy themselves.

Where the sidewalk ends

07 Monday Dec 2009

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Where the sidewalk ends

Picture of where the sidewalk ends

Our community has a long and dangerous stretch of road that the kids need to walk on to get to school. After years of letter writing and pleading, our regional government decided to build the sidewalk. Much to our disappointment, they left a huge gap in the sidewalk so that the kids still have to walk on the road next to the cars and trucks driving by. This situation reminded me of one of my favorite poems by Shel Silverstein. The poem is imagination, our sidewalk is real. Does art imitate life? Or vice versa?

A poem by Shel Silverstein
Words in brackets written by Devora Mason

There is a place where the sidewalk ends
And before the street begins, (Zeit Shemen)
And there the grass grows soft and white, (not really)
And there the sun burns crimson bright,
And there the moon-bird rests from his flight (or the pigeons who poop on our heads)
To cool in the peppermint wind.

Let us leave this place where the smoke blows black (cheftzibah construction site?)
And the dark street winds and bends. (Pitum Haktoret)
Past the pits where the asphalt flowers grow (definitely our new traffic circle)
We shall walk with a walk that is measured and slow (much to the chagrin of meuchedet)
And watch where the chalk white arrows go (probably to nowhere)
To the place where the sidewalk ends.

Yes, we’ll walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And we’ll go where the chalk white arrows go,
For the children they mark, and the children they know (crossing guards?)
The place where the sidewalk ends.

):

Enjoying Food

01 Tuesday Dec 2009

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I was thinking about all of the things I would eat if I didn’t care about what tomorrow brings.

I always think back to one of my favorite movies called “Groundhog Day” with Bill Murray. In that movie he plays a cynical  egocentric news reporter who continuously wakes up on the same day, groundhog day, in a little town called Punxsutawney. Repeatedly he goes through that same day until he realizes that no matter what he does or says or who he meets the next day will be a blank to everyone except him. He goes through all different levels of personal change and development.

One scene I love is right after he realizes that no matter what he does he will be the same the next day he decides to live for today! He sits in the cafe and with a cigarette dangling from his lips. While drinking coffee straight out of the coffee pot he stuffs an entire éclair into his mouth and leaves a huge glob of cream on his cheeks. Gluttony at it’s best!

In the meanwhile, I think I will go have another rice cake. Enjoy!

Groundhog Day

Groundhog Day Poster

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_5GpBgsang&feature=related

(The scene is at 4:30 of this clip)

Shopping With Pride at the Drugstore

27 Tuesday Oct 2009

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So there I was, in line at the Pharmacy in Toronto with a cart overflowing with Gold Bond Extreme and Always Ultra Maxi Pads with wings. I mean it! My cart was packed to the brim! Other people in line with me were pretending that they didn’t notice anything unusual. They would eventually start rummaging through the large variety of breath mints available to them, anything,  just not to notice me or my cart filled with very personal hygiene items.

At some point customers start to watch me closely out of the corner of their eye to see if I am gushing blood or itching my body uncontrollably. When that doesn’t seem to be an issue they move on to the second stage which is pity. Their eyes take on this glazed, puppy dog, I-wonder-how-she-lives-with-herself, sort of look. And through it all I pretend to be a totally normal, not caring, happy-go-lucky, no problems here, sort of gal.I might even try skipping out of the store (for the effect), although being burdened with many bags of maxi-pads doesn’t make it easy and I end up looking injured.

Shopping at a pharmacy can be a very unnerving experience. Sure they load the front of the store with perfumes, shampoos and makeup, but those things are there to disguise the real purpose of a drug store…and I won’t tell you what that is, because it’s personal!

It is so hard to leave the pharmacy with your self respect still intact. Whether it’s because most pharmacists are hard of hearing and you eventually end up yelling in their ear the exact item you were blushing about privately in your doctor’s office the day before. Or maybe because you meet the Rabbi of your synagogue in the checkout line or your nice innocent grade 1 teacher while you are trying to improve your overall “lifestyle”. I mean, you can hide the item in your sleeve but eventually that thing is going on the conveyor belt and everyone sees.

When my family first moved to Israel in 1990, there was no Super pharmacies. The only pharmacies available to us were those little mom and pop stores. I mean, there were sanitary pads, but no Always with Wings!!! So when I would travel back to Canada every summer I was the one responsible for stocking up on all of the items that my family back in Israel would need for the coming year.

Unfortunately, I just got sick of explaining it to anyone (since it inevitably would lead to follow up questions like: You live in Israel, ay? What’s that like, ay?) so I decided to be strong and to withstand the pitiful glances.

Is there a solution? Not really. I highly recommend just getting through the store and paying as quickly as possible. Wear large baggy sleeves and try to buy lots of other small colorful items that you don’t really need to distract people from the thing you really came for. And last but not least, remember people, you aren’t the only ones buying it!

The ten second interview with myself

25 Sunday Oct 2009

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I had a need to review my likes and dislikes this morning so I decided to do it in the form of an interview with myself. (In case you haven’t noticed, I am a little bit crazy). Okay, here goes!

Interviewer: So Devora, how are you doing today?

Devora: S.O.S., different day

Interviewer: Glad to hear it. I am going to ask you some questions and you will have ten seconds to answer each one. Are you ready?

Devora: Go for it.

Interviewer: Okay here goes: What’s your favorite colour?

Devora: Blue for design, black for clothes

Interviewer: Favorite singer?

Devora: Susanne Vega or Billy Joel, they’re both up there

Interviewer: Favorite Band?

Devora: hmmm, pearl jam, U2, The doors, Pink Floyd, The beatles, Mamas and The Papas? I don’t really know Next!

Interviewer: Favorite food?

Devora: Sushi

Interviewer: Favorite alcoholic drink?

Devora: Single malt scotch or a white russian.

Interviewer: What exercise do you do the most?

Devora: jogging and walking

Interviewer: Any other forms of exercise you enjoy?

Devora: Yoga

Interviewer: If you could meet anyone at all in the history of the world who would you choose?

Devora: Ernest Hemingway, Tuvia Bielski or Moshe Rabbeinu. I guess it depends on who is available at the time. Maybe we could all hang out together.

Interviewer: What would you ask them?

Devora: Hemingway I would want to know about what it was like to be in Spain and watch the bull fights. Tuvia i would ask him what it was that made him develop such an intense feeling of responsibility towards saving Jews. And Moshe, I want to know how he could love a nation so deeply that made his life so difficult over and over again. Then we would all have a L’Chaim.

Interviewer: What makes you suffer?

Devora: Itchy tags in my clothing, the smell of the pork in the Schneider factory in Kitchener, humidity, cheesy foods, silence, gossip and badly dressed women.

Interviewer: Aren’t you late for the bris this morning?

Devora: *@$#&! Gotta go!