Category Archives: Personal development

We are constantly changing, improving ourselves and influencing those around us. It’s an ongoing miracle of chain events, interactions and personal desire to listen, learn and love.

Why I won’t be doing Teshuva this year

02 Monday Sep 2013

Posted by in Personal development, Religion

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I already did Teshuva (repentance) last year and the year before and the year before that.

I KNOW I did Teshuva because ever since my spiritual cleansing a few years back, not much has changed.

What was my spiritual cleansing like?

Well, let’s see.

I took stock of the spiritual burden I was carrying around with me, the physical burden, the emotional burden, the religious burden, my fears, hopes and  cares and I came to the realization that the burden I was carrying, well, it was too damn heavy for one person to bear alone.

And so I removed that burden from upon my shoulders and stopped to rest for awhile. I rested those responsibilities, worries, cares and overwhelming sense of self awareness against a strong and stable tree and sat in its shade and rested my weary body and soul for awhile.

And as I sat, disconnected from everything around me, it was at that moment that I finally had a sense of what it felt like to run free.

Running free without any burdens, it felt good and young and oh so carefree.

But it meant that I was missing out on building up my strength, my connections and my overwhelming sense of humanity.  It meant feeling alone and not truly experiencing more than just a carefree sort of existence.

Of course I wasn’t ever completely burden free, I was really only free on some holidays and every third weekend, but who’s counting.

Even pseudo-freedom counts for something. It is like holding onto a dinghy in the ocean, knowing that you still have a long way to swim, that your journey is far from done, but still feeling a sense of relief, even if it is only for a moment.

Then finally, when I was ready to carry the burden again that I had been carrying before on my path called life, I stood up and tried to resume my journey. It was then that I realized that much of what I had been carrying was unnecessarily weighing me down, making me feel more tired and more worn out than I needed to feel. And so I left much of my previous burden resting there, in the shade of that tree and took with me only the most important loads as I ventured out once again, on that continuation of the path called my life.

Which of those peckalehs (packages in Yiddish) did I choose to take with me, you may ask? I took my children, love for my family, love for Israel, honesty, integrity, happiness, self preservation and love for God in a way makes both me and God feel ok (right God?).

And so now as I walk along with a spring in my step and my head held high, approaching each and every new year with a feeling of overwhelming gratitude, determination and self preservation, I know that I have willingly chosen a path that I can happily call my own.

So to all of you who are walking along the path with me: some holding me up, some keeping me company, some carrying similar burdens to mine, some carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders,  whomever you are, you are part of my new found Teshuva, my life. It is to all of you that I wish a happy and healthy new year.

Creating our own personal freedom

06 Monday May 2013

Posted by in Personal development

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There is life.

Life is that every day monotony of chores and work, cleaning and shopping, running and sleeping, debts and responsibility.

And then there is living.

Living, I love you!

It is when your soul is free; when your body is a slave to your soul and not the opposite. Those blessed moments of drinking coffee on the patio with friends, listening to music, meditating, exercising, loving, dancing and celebrating those moments when life lessens its death grip on you and allows you, even if only for a moment, to feel free.

Living is the reason that I tolerate life.

We work hard and struggle with our daily responsibilities for the simple god damn reason to be able to live our lives.

My grandfather lived by the basic principle of life that he felt encouraged the nurturing of happiness and satisfaction in our lives:

“If you can’t do what you like then like what you do.”

He died of a heart attack when I was 12 after servicing a community as their Rabbi for 36 years. He loved being a Rabbi but it took its toll on him. Life was different then. I know that. Still I used to wonder if maybe it is indeed possible to like what we do and maybe (oh just maybe God) to do what we like? Does one really need to be exclusive of the other?

My sister Deena is an inspiring example to all of us Humanoids on knowing how to live life. She has travelled the world over, to Japan, Vancouver and back to Israel again all with the basic life goal of doing what rocks her world. Recently she quit a stable job to pursue her love of writing even further. Life isn’t dictating it’s rules to her; she is dictating her rules for living.

Freedom of speech.

Freedom of religion.

Freedom to be.

We are free and not free. Why is it that we tend to live our lives in a self-induced state of bondage?

This concept is painfully real in Adam Baker’s TedxTalk where he explains his own journey towards freedom.

In his video he quotes the following:

“There are thousands and thousands of people out there living lives of quiet, screaming desperation who work long, hard hours, at jobs they hate, to enable them to buy things they don’t need to impress people they don’t like.”

-Nigel Marsh

I don’t have the freedom to open the uncertainty door like my sister does. I know that. Many of us don’t. I, personally, look after 5 kids who need me and need the simple basics such as food in the fridge, heating, clothing, education, shoes and oh so much more than just the basics. Sometimes it becomes so much that the responsibility hurts.

That’s when I make sure to look around and count my blessings. Counting blessings is liberating.

My kids.

My work.

My family.

My health.

My home.

Check check and check. Blessings counted.

All such enormous blessings that I am terrified to ever take any one of them for granted. Those blessings are all part of what signify a certain part of my personal freedom.

It also seems to be that I DO love what I do. Maybe it’s because I have been raised, instilled and constantly surrounded with the basic principles of positive thinking and personal responsibility or maybe it’s just because my life really is so freaking wonderful. Whatever the reason, I make sure to like what I do because what I do is good. Truth.

Positive attitude rules! So before you can let the good in, you need to let the bad out, or to quote Bob Newhart “Stop it!”

The first step is to STOP giving a rat’s ass about what anyone thinks. Make sure you like what you see in the mirror. Live according to your own rules. Our personal accountability is oh so personal. You are the one who lays your head on your own pillow every night; No one else, just you. Remember that.

Secondly, STOP doing the “right” thing. Do the good thing. Do what is good for you, your family, your kids and your world. Going to pray in synagogue is the right thing. Playing cops and robbers with your boys in the living room is the good thing. I do the right thing too sometimes. Trust me. I do it even if it means that I am like a little sulking kid who is forced to wear boots in the rain. But I do it because sometimes I just have to. It’s not the default plan but it’s a part of the overall plan.

Thirdly, STOP wasting time, money, energy on the wrong things. Remember that our resources are limited. Make the most of the time you have. The world is a gym so save the money you spend on those ridiculous monthly health-club memberships and go for a walk. Don’t keep upgrading your life with purchases that you don’t really need. Don’t spend time around negativity and do allow the people who make you soar to be a part of your life.

It took me time. A lot of time. But I did it. I finally figured out how to live and how to be free.

It is a constant, never ending battle but it is worth it.

Stop being a slave to life and start living.

(Originally published on the Times of Israel March 14, 2013)

Independence means…

04 Saturday May 2013

Posted by in Parenting, Personal development

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We rely on the fact that the sun will rise in the east and set in the west.

We rely on the fact that our car will start in the morning.

We rely on consistency of life, dependability and routine.

We are all reliant and dependent on someone or something.

It’s not a bad thing. It is part of being human. Dependence gives us the opportunity to do more and to go farther.

So what is independence and why is it so important to us?

Independence is a condition. It is not a state of mind. It is a real and tangible state of being.

It is about self governing. Being able to make decisions that are for your own well being. It is about creating and maintaining a status-quo that works for you and those you care about around you.

It’s about sovereignty. Being the one who controls your belongings, your shit. You know, what you do with it, where you put it. What you get rid of and what you keep. It’s about moving it and tweaking it and everyone around you knowing that IT’S YOUR SHIT. You are the sovereign owner and ruler of the stuff that says your name on it.

Sometimes to reach that point of independence we need to fight for it. Fight to keep it. Fight for our rights to have and hold it.

Sometimes it includes violence. Sometimes the violence is legitimized sometimes it is condemned.

We feel a need to declare our independence when it is attained. We need to document it and celebrate it and never forget what it means for us to be without it and to finally have it.

Today we celebrate our national independence. Let us not forget what it means to us to have and to hold it tight.

Israel I love you.

Let the barbecuing begin!

(Published originally in the Times of Israel April 16, 2013)