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Devora Mason

~ Single Mom. Blogging. Jogging. And lots of Snogging.

Devora Mason

Tag Archives: Guests

A Guest Above The Rest

10 Tuesday Aug 2010

Posted by Devora Mason in Life and Laughter

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

abuser, bad guests, cruiser, good guests, Guests, hosting, loser, Martha Stewart, muser, shmoozer, user

What type of guest are you?

I grew up in a home where I don’t remember EVER eating a meal without having someone extra at our table.  My parents are great hosts and I know that being a good host/hostess is a challenge. I have seen countless articles and books dealing with the complexities of this role.  Who doesn’t already know this since we are bombarded with Martha Stewart lessons in hors d’oeuvres, napkin folding tips, table settings and beautiful flower arrangements? Hyper-hosting has turned the simple act of having parties and getting together with friends into three course events that usually include a theme and a party planner.

Napkins and flower arrangeements

Hyper-hosting

The other side to this hosting equation receives much less publicity, the forgotten link that can make or break your role as a host:

The guest.

You want your hostess with the mostess to see you as a guestess with the bestess? Here’s my breakdown of the good and bad guests. Plain and simple:

The Bad Guest:

  • The Shmoozer– It is totally irrelevant whether anyone is listening or not. They are totally oblivious as to whether people are interested in what they have to say and they can stay for countless hours after all others have left to continue their “fascinating “ conversation with whoever is not yet nodding off to sleep.
  • The Cruiser– this is the guest who just stopped by long enough to eat the last danish, make a promise about that they will be back again real soon, to use the bathroom and to make a grand exit.
  • The Loser– they never seem to have plans and for a good reason. Whether it’s their lack of social etiquette or their inability to make eye contact. They are the ones who bring their leftover bread slices and pineapple juice to “share” so that it doesn’t go bad and they generally aren’t able to connect with anyone inparticular despite repeated attempts on everyone’s part to make conversation.
  • The User– These are guests of convenience. Their convenience, not yours. Once they don’t need you anymore you will never hear from them again.
  • The Abuser- They make sure to let you know in advance that they only eat japanese vegetarian food, that the music is too loud, the soup too salty, and they apologize profusely while asking you to wrap up the leftovers for them to take home. 
  • The Muser- They don’t comment, compliment or join in the conversation and they tend to spend most of their time staring into space. You wonder if they are philosophers and if there is MORE to them than meets the eye when really there is LESS…much, much less. You wonder if your meal will be the contributing factor to their suicide attempt when, miraculously, on their way out they somehow manage to mumble: “Thanks, I had a great time.”

The Good Guest:

Gratitude goes a long way…
  • Give- Just bring something, damn it, even when your host insists otherwise.
  • Gauge- Don’t be oblivious to everyone around you. Yes, Spanish Inquisition Era manuscripts may be fascinating to YOU but if everyone else is staring into space then zip-it!
  • Good Nights- Overnight guests should not overuse any one household item without confirming that it is ok with their hosts first. Don’t take overly long showers, don’t leave a mess in the bathroom, don’t leave wet towels on the floor and make sure to keep your room neat when you are going out.
  • Grace- you walk into a room and see people talking, recognize when it’s a conversation that requires privacy and don’t get involved.
  • Gratitude- Make sure to thank your host at different moments during your stay as a guest. It’s all about gratitude. Thank them for thinking of you when you arrive. Thank them again when you leave and make sure to compliment. Compliment their home, their cooking, their efforts and their kindness. And please try to sound sincere.
  • Gregarious- Smile and the world smiles with you. Meal time is not the time to burden everyone with your hardships and woes unless you are very close with your hosts. Smile, shmooze and enjoy.
  • Guess- Ask questions, show interest in others around you.
  • Giddy-Up! HAVE FUN! Nothing more fun than a guest who knows how to enjoy themselves.

Ten Ways to Make Sure Your Guests Don’t Overstay

23 Friday Oct 2009

Posted by Devora Mason in Life and Laughter

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Etiquette, Guests, Home, How to, Jokes about guests, Making a point, Overstaying Their Welcome, Personal Goals, personal image

I am not a bad person.

I grew up in a home where guests were never turned away.

We have always welcomed everyone into our homes. That being said, there is always the ongoing joke about having guests that never leave. (I once stayed on as a guest for two years! Okay, it was at my parents house, but still!)

My parents are the type of people who welcome guests with open arms and really truly mean it! No matter how long they may decide to stay. My siblings and I always love to recount the stories of the fun and unusual guests who visited our home during our years growing and up and even since then. We love to get started with the story about the time we came into the kitchen and found my mother reviewing the situation of one of our lone soldier’s heat rashes (don’t worry, it wasn’t you Aharon). We were appalled but, as my mother sees it, he needed some motherly advice and his mother was far away.

Most of us are not like my parents, we may never be. And although my ideal self is always striving to reach that goal, I am still the same ol’ person who likes my privacy and my space.

So on a nice light note I have decided to compile a list of surefire ways to get your point across to your guests that it’s time for them to leave, without being too direct. Here goes:

10) Make meatballs for supper and serve them on paper plates (not Plastic) so that everything soaks through to the other side and stains their last set of clean clothes.

9) Play your saxophone late at night for some “practice”.

8) When they are having a shower keep flushing the toilet.

7) (Continued from 8…) When they get out of the shower, only have a washcloth sized towel for them to dry off with, sort of like a John Candy-Steve Martin scene from “Planes, Trains and Automobiles”.

6) Allow your children to play “American Idol” early in the morning with the new microphone and amplifier set you just bought them.

5) Serve everyone lots of gassy foods like cabbage and bean stew so that the whole place stinks (and just remind yourself that it’s only temporary and that the ends justify the means).

4) Talk very loudly about the last guest that stayed with you who disappeared and no one has heard from since. And then comment about how well your tulips are growing, at the edge of your backyard, this year.

3) Start making out with your partner on the living room couch while your guest is  sitting next to you reading the newspaper.

2) Give them a key to the front door, but make sure it’s the wrong one.

1) Get a nice big shaggy hairy dog and let it sleep at the end of their bed.

About Devora

Devora Mason loves to speak about herself in the third person while writing about her social life and the social issues that she encounters in Jerusalem. She is a mom, dancer, prancer, jogger, blogger and snogger who works in SaaS and is studying law.

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